Continuing our “what next” series, I’m proud to present an essay from J. Stapley, of widespread fame within the Bloggernacle and proprietor of the Splendid Sun website. Thanks, J., for your thoughts and reflections!

I have written before that one of the grand narratives of Mormonism is one of discovery and that knowledge often requires modifications in world-view. I often refer to a world view as a structure that incorporates points or anchors in the three dimensional plane of reality. When new points are added to the plain or others are changed a modification of the structure is required. Sometimes this modification is simple and expansive, on other occasions it may be violent and painful.

I have experienced both. I have considered all options regarding my membership in the Church and in the end, I remain. This is another grand narrative in Mormonism; to stay while others walk away.

I am an ethnic Mormon. I am the progeny of polygamous lines. Moreover, my family is quite active in the Church. All my siblings, myself included, are married in the Temple and continue to attend. My parents have been consistently active in church leadership.

My father is a chemist and my mother a musician and poet. Of all my siblings, I am the synthesis of my parents; however, the pragmatist wins and I am a chemist by training. I have post-graduate degree and work in the industrialization of my research.

My parents are also what I would consider mystical and perhaps charismatic Mormons. I grew up with the stories of God’s power made manifest in their lives and those of their parents. The stories of prophecy, miraculous healings, blessings. And I found my own stories. There are a few points in my structure which represent the application of faith. Real points. The voice of God. Power over the elements. Revelation.

I grew up with the standard church education, though I started going to Gospel Doctrine at age 16 because I felt like I was being patronized. I started teaching Mechezidek priesthood at 18. I had a penchant for speculative doctrine, but my concepts of history were quite correlated. My world view was a simple structure, naïve in many ways, but also beautifully idyllic.

Like many, the discovery narrative continued to unearth aspects challenging to my world view. Points accumulated outside my structure and the feeling of edginess in my pathetic institutional rebellion withered away and a winter of crisis chilled my soul. The structure of my worldview was destroyed, not lovingly, but violently and perhaps by my own hand. I considered all possible solutions and I could abide none. I was fortunate, for in that hour, a loved one let me cry in pain. That catharsis was the beginning my new worldview.

I did reevaluate every point in the former structure. While most persisted, some did not and I was liberated. I stood and spread my folded wings. The new structure is different, perhaps more accommodating to future change or dynamic; but, I find it beautiful, more than the first.

This is the study of history; it makes us more charitable and forgiving. We become more tolerant and kind. We become stronger and indefatigable. We see the lives of those who went before us as we become part of their story and they part of ours. We find our heroes and heroines who suffered greater strains on world view than our own…prophets even. Or we perish, as many have since the beginning and yet will – but I remain.

I believe in the restoration. I believe in the sacraments. I believe in the living Church, of which I am part. And now, quite importantly, I believe that I am integral to this living body and not just it to me.